Advice to Julie About Raising Children

Dear Julie,

It was good hearing from you and hearing what you had to say about Ayla and Ione. No, I haven’t lost weight. I guess everyone looks small in comparison to a desert! Actually, I’ve gained weight, lost hair and grown older. It’s been two years since I’ve been home and I think the years are going to show on me.

So, your two girls are fighting with each other. Pay back time, huh? No, I can’t give you any advice. I don’t know what your mother and I did to make you two turn out so great. But here’s a joke that Tommy just sent me that may give you insight on the workings of a child’s mind. Enjoy it and I’ll see you this summer.

A 6 year-old and 4 year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what” says the 6 year-old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.”

The 4 year-old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year-old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.”

The 4 year-old agrees with enthusiasm. When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, “Aw hell Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”

Whack! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay in there until I let you out.”

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year-old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”

“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios.”

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